Can't explain how I feel,
it was not like we were even together or anything
but still I can't explain why it hurts.

Maybe it's the could have beens
Maybe it's the interesting friendship
Maybe it's the feeling of having something to look forward to
Or perhaps the abrupt end of the hope and anticipation I've missed so much
That hope an anticipation of being in love?

Whatever it is, it hurts, a little, too much.
So much I think it's heartbreak... But heartbreak? Really?

Because I've had my share of it, and this isn't anywhere close
but still, there is a subtle trace of it.

Well guess I'm off to pour some more pain into Dancer from the East,
but study for history first I must. Paper begins in 7 hours.

Wonder if she felt the same?
Probably not... But still...

After talking to an old friend last night I think I've come to a new revelation.
That I've been trying so hard to find myself when I've always been here.

Also I had a dream that I was going to die and leaving my room and my life to another me,
no one was going to notice my death as that other me will replace me and make it seem like nothing happened,
I remember confessing all my secrets to him knowing that the people I was supposed to say them to would never hear them.
Then I left the room to find a nice place to die as that other me laid down to sleep,
then I wake up.

I keep wondering if I am indeed who I think I am and not a clone of myself with the same memories,
I wonder if this dream would one day be more truth than fiction,
I wonder if that's the reason why I'm always afraid to go to sleep at night.

Life is going at breakneck speed, I've currently a bunch of things going for me now some of which are more time and energy consuming than others

1. Diploma in Counseling that I STILL haven't completed thanks to those elusive bridging course update e-mails which hotmail seems to think are ALL junk mail despite my attempts to reduce the filter to nothing (any junk mail dumpers reading this... Please don't kill my inbox)

2. Promotional Examinations for Year-Ones, if I don't nail this exam I'm stuck in year one. Which would suck. Now despite everyone telling me I'm going to do fine I have NO confidence in myself so I'm studying my eye balls out whenever I'm not having a break.

3. Diploma in Mass Communications... Now I've no idea why I signed up for it, but it came with the Pre-University course I was taking so I told myself "why not?" WHY NOT!? BECAUSE YOU'VE ALREADY A DIPLOMA LINED UP WHICH IS OF SIMILAR QUALIFICATIONS RENDERING THIS IRRELEVANT YOU BLUR SQUID. But yeah I've signed up for it so I can kiss a good part of my holidays good bye Q.Q

4. Driving Course, now this is lined up to be taken once I finish my counseling course but by the looks of it, things might clash with one another because the stupid bridging courses are taking so bloody long. Hopefully they won't have to clash because I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS

5. Writing (Career?) with the recent developments and promises to myself, I could get a lucky break sometime in the near future and I must not neglect it. Or it'll be one of those opportunities that I'll look back upon and shake my head in regret (I've had alot of those already). Can't release details or various people will sabotage me. Yes I'm looking at you.

I must extend my thanks to my friends (if any of you are actually reading this) in real life or in deviant art for your support... Wouldn't have made it this far without failing miserably and flailing about purposelessly without you guys and your help. +Especially those three who helped me clean up my room. It's awesomely conducive to work in now <3+

And mood is hopeful... just can't get the silly emote to change

I'm writing a journal.

This is weird.

Updating my journal to say I'm writing a journal.

And Nothing Else.

[link]

Shes my co-writer and friend for many many years now and this is her latest profile on DeviantART

Well I don't usually advertise anyone on my journal these days, but yes she has been throwing plushies at me while mourning the loss of her dead crab. Oh and also bugging me to get some readers to comment on Her Hobo Story (You know the one I had on my jounral that I said she was working on) It's called Emmy and it'll be featured later on tonight... Like in 5 hours?

Anyway it's very emotional and dark and has an overbearing feeling of hopelessness to it, which is PERFECT! Well least for a Sad Story of a hobo that is... Anyway I'll see if I can link an edit on and if anyone reading this could kindly comment on her work if you don't mind it'll be appreciated as she'll stop throwing Omnom at me, I hope.